Headline: Five Young Tomato Plants Plunge Two Stories and Sustain Near-Fatal Injuries in Freak Roof Gardening Accident

At approximately 7:35 on Wednesday night a brief, but brutal thunderstorm ripped through Center City Philadelphia. Roof gardeners Carrie and Lindsay Maria remember it with shocking detail. At first they were thrilled by the novelty of hail (“It’s like an ice machine in the sky!”), but became alarmed when they heard odd thumping sounds out back. About 15 minutes later Carrie ventured up to the third floor to see how her roof garden was fairing in the summer storm. She gasped as she noticed five of her young tomato plants were missing from their usual spots.

Instantly she ran onto the deck and peered over the side, fearless of the brewing storm around her. Words cannot express her shock when she saw five of her prized tomatoes two stories down, laying in their own dirt. Branches littered the gutters. Unripened tomatoes in the neighbors yard, ripped from the vine at such a young age! When asked by the gardening police why she had tomatoes on the roof without a railing she simply said, “We had to replace the roof first.  Oh, and install the washer and dryer. Priorities, ya know?” When further pressed about zoning and permits she looked confused and said, “Is that a joke? This is Philadelphia. What’s a permit?” According to Mrs. Maria the house was sold with a deck sans railing so she is not responsible for the minor oversight. In order for insurance to cover the house they had to put a child proof lock on the sliding door.

But the child proof lock wasn’t enough to save her tomatoes serious injury. “One of them is a quarter of the size it was before, but I think it’ll bounce back. It might even make it stronger,” Carrie said enthusiastically of her plants’ bright futures. “But next time, we’ll be sure to anchor the top heavy planters before large storms hit. I actually tend to think it’s a design flaw in the GrowBoxes to be honest. Not that I wasn’t partially responsible, because, ya know, I feel bad and stuff. We made sure they weren’t hanging over neighbors property, or like, the sidewalk. We’re not like, stupid!”

The next day, once the rivers of rain stopped Carrie and her husband started the chore of cleaning up the shattered limbs and potting soil that litters their back alley. Husband Lindsay said, “Ya know – having a blog can make bad situations better. This would suck if we couldn’t make a joke of it. It’s a shame our camera is broken, because man, this is a sight!” They sipped rum and coke and discussed how they were going to get the plants through the house without dragging potting soil up the stairs. This story could have ended much worse. The plants are bruised and battered, but will survive (hopefully). Aspiring roof gardeners, remember the elements. Stay safe out there. Secure the plants properly. Be mindful of the sidewalk.

And for god’s sake – splurge and get a railing!